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Sunday, April 24, 2011
Hilarious school exam answers
The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England. These are genuine answers from 16 years old, not very bright, but absolutely entertaining.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
-fs- smart ass answers eh...XD
Monday, April 11, 2011
Pervert sighted in Genting!
I am Handsome Right ??
Saturday 9th April, Genting Pahang : There has been numerous reports by women claiming that there has been a peeping tom at the various toilets in Genting. For the past few weeks officials had been unable to capture the perpetrator until a young gay man with his camera was able to catch the culprit in the act. (Above is the Peeping Tom facebook photo). Below is the exclusive pictures of the perpetrator walking away from the crime scene.
In this picture the Peeping tom is seen leaving the toilet, notice the sign above. It's the girl's toilet, this picture has not been photoshopped or altered in anyway, the peeping tom tries to cover his face in shame of his "ham sup" act.
He realizes that he has been spotted and tries to get his face out of the way, but its too late as the pictures has already been taken, so he tries to make the camera shots look blur by dodging left and right.
He finally relents and pretends to walk away as though he has gone into the wrong toilet, but we all know the truth!. The "Peeping tom of Genting! " is finally caught on camera!
In this picture the Peeping tom is seen leaving the toilet, notice the sign above. It's the girl's toilet, this picture has not been photoshopped or altered in anyway, the peeping tom tries to cover his face in shame of his "ham sup" act.
He realizes that he has been spotted and tries to get his face out of the way, but its too late as the pictures has already been taken, so he tries to make the camera shots look blur by dodging left and right.
He finally relents and pretends to walk away as though he has gone into the wrong toilet, but we all know the truth!. The "Peeping tom of Genting! " is finally caught on camera!-fs- our trip to genting has bore us this wonderful picture...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Real 9-11 calls from nashville
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
-fs- want to try with our malaysian police? XD
Sunday, March 20, 2011
interesting !
> Singapore's 'practice' for Simple Living : 12345
> 1 - One Wife (If more than one, LKY will consign you out of
> Singapore anyway )
> 2 - Two Children
> 3 - Three Bedroom Condo
> 4 - Four Wheels
> 5 - Five Figure Salary
>
> Malaysia's 'theory' to Simple Living: 54321 must be
> opposite to Singapore's theory ma
> 5 - Five Children
> 4 - Four Wives
> 3 - Three Figure Salary
> 2 - Two Wheels
> 1 - One low-cost Govt. flat
> 1 - One Wife (If more than one, LKY will consign you out of
> Singapore anyway )
> 2 - Two Children
> 3 - Three Bedroom Condo
> 4 - Four Wheels
> 5 - Five Figure Salary
>
> Malaysia's 'theory' to Simple Living: 54321 must be
> opposite to Singapore's theory ma
> 5 - Five Children
> 4 - Four Wives
> 3 - Three Figure Salary
> 2 - Two Wheels
> 1 - One low-cost Govt. flat
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
LOL??
since we have some silly pics from X-Dest trip, i turn it into a gif...see how noobie hong wear his shirt...
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