jokes...yeahehehe

Two bums are walking along the side of a road early one morning, complaining about their empty stomachs.
The night before theyhad spent every dime they had on whiskey, so naturally they had no money for breakfast.
By and by they come upon a flattened possum lying dead on the roadside. The first bum says to the second, "I'll split it with ya."The second politely refuses, so the first bum eats the entire thing by himself.
An hour or so later, as they are walking, the first bum starts turning green. He gags for a few minutes and then spews the possum remains all over the road.The second bum smiles and says,
"I knew if I waited long enough I'd get a hot meal."


The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that !!!!The teenager tells her,
"Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!"
and out she goes.The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on,
With her old wrinkled pair on show. The teenager wants to die.She explains to her Grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it just is not appropriate
.....The grandmother says, "Loosen up Sweetie. If you can shown off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

Do you know why there's a hole in a man's penis?
So that air can get to his brain.

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock!

What did Adam say to Eve?
Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!